Artful Life · humor · Poetry

Poultry Poetry Slam

I wish I could give credit where it is due, but I’m not sure who created this. I just know every time I see it I giggle and guffaw, so I thought I’d share it with my poet friends and all others who might need a laugh.  UPDATE:  Do I feel dumb or what? (Dumb.)  The copyright notice is on the right side of the picture!  2012 Scott Hilburn/Distributed by Universal Uclick. Please forgive my inability to see that this morning!  

Happy Wednesday everybody!  

humor · NaPoWriMo · Poetry

Cupcake/NaPoWriMo Day 6


“Hey, Cupcake,
why dontcha come over here
and tell me how a beautiful dame
like you ended up in a place like this?”

“Cupcake” walked over slowly, stealthily,
towards the plaid-shirted man who
was so loud, sloppy and obnoxious that
she was tempted to dump the
entire pot of coffee onto his head.
It would be an improvement to his
hairstyle to say the least!

Instead, the petite redhead
in the pink serving uniform,
with a name tag plainly giving
her name as “Eileen,”
managed to smile sweetly
and say, “Now, Boyd! You
know my name ain’t Cupcake!
Why sugar, I’m not that sweet!”

Boyd took the toothpick
out of his mouth long enough
to ask, “Well, do you have
any of those bacon maple
pancake cupcakes left? If so,
you might eat one to sweeten
your disposition. Either that
or bring me one, Eileen.”

Eileen winked saucily,
bounced away with a definite
ba-da-boom to her hips,
and said, “Honey, just for
that, I’ll bring you two!”

Boyd laughed quietly,
picked up his newspaper,
and wondered if any of
the other customers
would ever know that
he and the lovely Eileen
had been married for
25 years next fall.

Theirs was a marriage
baked in Cupcake heaven.

© D. Elaine Wood-Lane


Today’s challenge was to write about food. I’ve been craving cupcakes, to the point that I bought a cupcake magazine the other day. I mean to write about the cupcakes, but the poem took on a life of it’s own.

Home · humor · Morning · Prayer

Dear Lord, Why Is My Husband So Hyper In the Mornings

Dear Lord,

Why is my husband so hyper in the mornings?
I’m sitting here trying to keep my eyes open
as I sip coffee and watch the sun arise from
it’s slumber and in the amount of time
it takes for this to occur,
my husband has zipped back and forth
through the house four times,
eagerly working on his current project.

The sun, the sleepy squirrels and I,
all rather wish he’d slow down as he’s
making us a little dizzy with his outbursts
of energy.

A timid, quiet bird had made his appearance
at the bird feeder hanging off the eave
of the front porch, but one quick zip of
my husband through the house and off
the little bird flew!

So, I guess my question is, why is my
husband so hyper in the mornings?

Doesn’t he know mornings are for
quiet reflection and gentle musings,
poetry writing, scripture readings,
prayers and day dreams by the score?

I know it’s difficult to reset a person’s
internal clock, but if you could slow
my husband’s clock down a bit in the
mornings, that’d be completely great.

Love from your sleepy daughter,


Daily Life · humor · NaPoWriMo · Poetry

The Nosy Parker|NaPoWriMo Day 14

Girl One:
Well you know she’s got to leave him!
I mean, she can’t continue to ignore
what is going on and needs to
get out of there as soon as possible!

Girl Two:
Well, you never know, his motives
might be good. I mean, he’s
not a ruthless man usually.
I’ve never seen any true evidence
that he’s doing something wrong.
Have you? Or do you just dislike
him so much that you’re projecting?

(Nosy Parker tries to block out
all the sounds in the salon so
she can hear better.)

Girl One:
He’s so ambivalent that you
can’t really tell if he’s aware
that he is talking out of both
sides of his mouth or if
he is deliberately misleading her.
I think he’s smarter and more
aware than you give him
credit for and ultimately
has a plan to get rid of her!
She has to leave before it’s too late!

Girl Two:
Well, that might be so,
but, I think she shouldn’t
leave half-cocked.
She needs to confront him
first before she leaves.
Oh, and I think she should
have another situation lined up
before she does that.
Then she can be the ultimate
winner in the situation,
don’t you think?

Girl One:
You’re right. She should
definitely be looking for another job
before he fires her outright.
Then she would be the
true winner in the situation!
I wish I could see the look on his face
when she tells him she’s leaving
because he has lied to her one
too many times!

(Nosy Parker: Oh good grief! They’re
talking about their boss! I thought it
was going to be something juicy
about a husband having an affair.
These career girls don’t know
how to live a normal life! Hmmmph!)

© Elaine Wood-Lane

Today’s prompt was to write a dialogue poem with at least two people having a
dialogue from two different points of view. I decided to have fun with this one and show how when a nosy eavesdropper listens in to conversations, they often can draw a totally wrong conclusion about the topic of discussion. Most of the time eavesdroppers are trying to hear something really juicy that they can then gossip about with their own friends. This particular eavesdropper had it all wrong, which is most often what really happens! 😉 I hope you enjoyed this little tableau!

Chihuahuas · Daily Life · humor · NaPoWriMo · Poetry

Who Am I?|NaPoWriMo Day 13

Whenever my people enter
the house, I greet them
with great enthusiasm.

I love to sleep
most of the day,
especially near my
adopted mother.

When my adopted mother
is gone,
I get very depressed
and sullen.

I like to challenge
the big guys
and become very macho.

I ignore anyone
who is lower than me.
Why bother when
I know I will beat them?

Who am I?

© Elaine Wood-Lane

Today’s prompt was to write a riddle poem. Have you guessed who my riddle is about? I have to admit, this one is very personal and the general answer is easy, but then it gets more specific to me. It is Buddy, my Chihuahua dog and faithful companion for the last ten years. 😊

humor · NaPoWriMo · Palinode · Queen

A Palinode for Wednesday–NaPoWriMo Day 8

The prompt for Day Eight: Today I challenge you to write a palinode. And what’s that? It’s a poem in which the poet retracts a statement made in an earlier poem. You could take that route or, if you don’t have an actual poetically-expressed statement you want to retract, maybe you could write a poem in which you explain your reasons for changing your mind about something.

This is my humorous take on a palinode for Wednesday.

Once upon a time,
in a land far, far away,
lived a princess who
hated cottage cheese.

She hated cottage cheese
so much that one day
at school she lied and
told her teacher she was
allergic to cottage cheese,
so could not eat the cottage cheese
under the peach half on the
salad that day.

Mrs. Keaster was skeptical.
She said the princess
should try the cottage cheese,
just to make sure.

The princess took a tiny bite
and promptly ran to the restroom
to throw it all up!

Mrs. Keaster believed the princess
then and no teacher ever made
her eat cottage cheese again,
because now it was on her
permanent record.

The little princess grew up,
had babies, raised them to
adulthood, and grew older.

One day she was eating
fruit and wondered how it
would taste with…cottage cheese.
The princess, who was now a queen,
took a tiny bite of the cottage cheese
and loved it!

Why did she not like it before?
Did only princesses not like
cottage cheese?

When she became a queen,
did she suddenly like
cottage cheese?

The queen decided it
did not matter why she liked
cottage cheese now when
before she hated it.

She was just sorry
she lied to Mrs. Keaster
all those years ago
and that it still said
on her permanent record,
“Allergic to cottage cheese.”

©Elaine Wood-Lane