It has been 14 years today since Mother passed away and I still miss her. Actually, the longer time goes on and the older I get, the more I understand her better and miss her. I wish I could apologize for some of the things I thought and said to her.
She was older than all my friends’ moms and a lot more outspoken than most and that embarrassed me dreadfully as a shy, quiet little girl. Now, I realize she loved her family fiercely and wasn’t afraid to be herself. She did talk a lot and revealed confidences that I wished to keep secret, but now I can see how insignificant most of my secrets were and why she ended up telling them. For that matter, I find myself doing the same thing sometimes with my sons. I have started to recognize, over the last five years or so, a look my sons and daughter-in-law get when they wished I would just hush! ;-). How many times, over the years with Mother, did I have the same expression and thought towards her? And this towards the woman who literally risked her life to have me when she was 45 years old?! I’m ashamed of myself, I am!
Mother was a lively, passionate, possessive, protective, loving wife and mother. She did so many good things for me over the years and I wasn’t grateful enough then. Now I am grateful beyond measure and I can’t tell her face to face. I only hope that she knows somehow anyway or that I get to tell her in heaven someday. I’m grateful for Mother’s spunk and fierce love. Honestly, if I were more like her, that would please me greatly! So…if you still have your mother and you love and appreciate her, please don’t wait too long to let her know. Mother knew I loved her, but I wish I had been more understanding and grateful for her when I had her here.