I’m Not As Crazy As I Appear….Really!

We had a social event this evening after work to celebrate the 25th anniversary of a coworker’s time with the company. Ok, it was happy hour. What I find interesting about the term “happy hour” is that most people seem to require alcohol to be happy. Unfortunately, or fortunately as the case may be, I’m happy and act that way even before alcohol gets involved. Give me one and a half mixed drinks and I’m not only happy, but I’m more likely to be extraverted about my happiness. Thank goodness it only takes 1.5 drinks to be more extroverted. Otherwise, I’m afraid the world couldn’t take it. 🙂

The fact of the matter is that, although most people think I’ve always been extroverted, I have not always been extroverted. I often joke about the fact that the older I get, the crazier and zanier I become. When I was in my 20’s, I was quite responsible, dutiful and quiet. I had to be. I became a mother at the age of 22, which I thought was quite mature, but now realize is very young. After my divorce in 1991, at the age of 29, I watched people and observed who created more happiness in the world and who was most acceptable. I realized that the people who created the most happiness put themselves out there to create happiness. I had already discovered that if I put myself out there, I often made people laugh. They loosened up. They were relaxed and happy. So, I practiced. I put myself out there. I let my zany freak girl out of the box! If there was an awkward social pause, I was your girl. I’d jump in, say something to get the conversational ball rolling, and then sit back and let everyone else talk. Since I was involved with a Christian singles’ group, I was never drinking in these situations. I just had a lot of fun and realized that I was learning much about people and human nature in the process.

Over the years, there have been times when Zany Elaine/Dee came out of hiding to lighten up a mood, relax people, and create a warm environment for others. I never know when she’s going to come out, but when she does, even I can be surprised. So, why am I discussing this tonight? Because Zany Elaine/Dee came out and, as is often the case with people who aren’t naturally extroverted, I tend to analyze myself when the zany girl comes out. I worry that people will think I’m an airhead, that I have no deeper side, no intelligence, no true beliefs or meaning. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love God, I love people, I love life. I’m not a wild and crazy girl 95% of the time. I pray all day long. I talk to God on behalf of other people. I praise Him for all He has done for me, for others, and for all the love He gives me on a moment to moment basis. I study God’s word every day. I write constantly, exploring the big questions of life such as, “Why am I here? What is my purpose? What would Jesus do?” I often beat myself up because I think Jesus wouldn’t act like the nut job that I do. The one thing I have in common with Jesus is that I love God and I love people. How I express that, perhaps, isn’t quite so appropriate. Or maybe it is, for me. I don’t know. I’m 52 years old and I’m still not sure how best to serve God and be like Jesus. All I know is that I’m still trying and still seeking to find the answers. Hopefully I’ll discover soon what it’s all about. If not, Lord help us all when I’m 80! I’ll be hugging strangers at every opportunity and telling inappropriate stories too. I’m sure none of us want that. 🙂

Thursday Morning

I’m sleepy, but jittery.
Hurting, but not overcome.
Must be a Thursday.

Thursdays are when
Mr. Fibromyalgia comes
out to play.

He’s tired of
being good and
looking nice.

He has been nice,
patient, kind,
tolerant for
three days.

Even good visitors
start to stink
like bad fish
after three days,

The sun is shining,
the air is cool
and bright.

I’m going to
swathe myself
in sunshine,
and ignore
Mr. Fibromyalgia.

I’m tired of him
already. He needs
to find a new
place to play.

©EWLane 9.18.14

Signs of Life


Two feet away from me,
on the other side of the mini blinds
and the glass of a big window,
the sun is shining in that
special slant that only occurs
in the fall months.

The light is so ripe,
I can see the heaviness of
the air and the normally
invisible particles that
float in it everyday.

Sparkles in the air,
the gentle non-threatening
hum of a lazy, fat wasp,
green grass just now
drying from early
morning dew.

Perfect reading weather.
Perfect picnic and
napping weather.
Instead, we’re all
in our little cubes,
staring blankly ahead
at computer monitors,
headphones attached to our
heads, typing, mousing,
while our eyes get dried out
from not enough blinking.

Signs of life can’t be
seen on a computer screen.

Signs of life are outside,
in the heavy sunshine,
seen in the fuzz on the wasp’s back,
the dandelion fluff that makes
us sneeze,
and in the rise of blood to the
surface of our cheeks as we
get pleasantly sun-kissed.

We lie in the grass, reading
a good book, hands linked together,
and dozing off too long on
this lazy, September morn.

This is life.
Real life.
Sweat, sunburns,
and dreams,
while the wasps
drift by.

EWLane 9/16/14

Monday Morning Haiku

Train whistle blowing.
Sun is mistily glowing.
Leaf drifts down from tree.
EWL 9.8.14

This is the last of my official gratitude lists. I’m three days behind on sharing these, but that makes them no less true or important to me. I am extremely grateful for all of these things:

1. A feeling of fall in the air with the sun moving to its autumnal position and the air cooling considerably more at night. I love waking up on fall mornings. The light of a fall morning is truly spectacular..
2. Good writers and good writing. I’ve been reading a lot lately and am always so grateful when I find a good writer to read. I’ve been reading old Christian romance novels (Grace Livingston Hill), Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Malala Yousafza’s “I Am Malala,” a book on Quaker holy silence, and poetry of all kinds, but especially a book of Haiku I bought recently.
3. Haiku poetry. I love truly good haiku poetry. They are so simple, but communicate with such grace and beauty. I write haiku poetry, but in no way consider myself a master of the form.
4. Sunnyside Christian Church. I love going there to worship God on Sunday mornings. I enjoy worshipping God on all mornings, but there is something special about gathering with others to worship God together and remembering Jesus’ sacrifice through communion.
5. Good friends, both old and new. People become friends through shared experiences and love. Most of my best friends are ones with whom I have shared both joys and tragedies, laughter and tears.
6. The new chance I get every single morning to be a better person than I was the day before and to follow God’s path of love. God’s love is steadfast and never ceases. It is new every morning!
7. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. That is all I’ll say about that, but I couldn’t even begin this list without it every morning.
8. My wonderful, loving, thoughtful husband, Alan, who is so good to me. I love the fact that we can just look at each other sometimes and laugh together. I love the fact that, though we don’t live in each other’s pockets, we do enjoy just being around each other.
9. My wonderful, loving, gracious, merciful God my Father, Jesus my savior, and the Holy Spirit within me. I would truly be lost without them.


More Gratitude…

Oops! I forgot to list 3 positive gratitudes yesterday so today I’ll do 6!

I’m grateful for:

A little bit of food to stir in my pot. (1)

A little bit of love to warm my heart. (2)

And a little bit of wisdom to know
what’s good or not. (3)

A kind and gentle husband
to love me every day. (4)

A silly little dog who
thinks I hung the moon. (5)

And a loving God to take me home,
but Lord, I hope it’s not too soon! (6)

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday! Spread the joy!



Rare quiet stillness.
Moon glides over the mountains.
Sun rises gently.
EWL 9/2/14

i’ve been challenged twice to participate in the daily gratitude meme on Facebook. Truth be told, I should be considering all the gifts in this world that I am grateful for every single day of my life. I receive so much more than I give. It’s almost embarrassing how many gifts I receive every day that I don’t even realize I’ve received. Anyway, here are today’s gratitudes;

1. I am grateful for the quiet stillness of early mornings that allows me time and space to draw near to God before the day gets crazy.

2. I am grateful for God in all of His massive glory, wisdom, grace and love. Without Him, I might have survived life’s many turmoils and challenges, but not with the peace and strength He gave me and continues to give me.

3. I am grateful for the bubbly smiles of babies everywhere. I saw 2 yesterday while out and about and their effervescent spontaneous joy made me laugh and smile all over. If only we could be as real and sweet as babies.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and beautiful week!